Surviving Infidelity: 6 Strategies For Rebuilding Your Relationship
59Then someone discovers that his or her wife, husband, or lover has been unfaithful this can destroy the relationship. Infidelity is something that is hard for people to move past and it creates bitter feelings of anger, jealousy, and pain. While some people think that cheating is a deathblow to a relationship, it doesn’t have to be. There are some ways that a couple can work together to repair the damage before the divide becomes too much of a hurdle to overcome.
Straying spouses are not limited to one age group and even the strongest partnerships can be rocked by the discovery that someone has not been faithful to them. This doesn’t have to shatter your life; you and your partner can recover from this and become stronger than before.
• Forgiveness - This is the most difficult thing to do, but you have to forgive the person for their actions. Remember that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone the behavior, it just means that you are letting go of any blame and anger toward the person. This is a person you love and now is the time to show the depth of that love. Keep in mind how you would want to be treated if you had cheated on your partner.
• Let the Past Go - It’s over and done with. You have to agree to let go of the memory and the pain. If you have forgiven now you have let go of the bottled up frustrations and anger. Once you have talked through your problems and are working on reconciliation this event is not to be brought up again, especially out of anger.
• Build Trust - Next to forgiveness this is probably the second hardest thing to do for either spouse. If someone breaks trust with you, it is difficult to form that bond of belief again. The spouse who cheated needs to keep their behavior above board from here on out. You should feel relief and thankfulness that your partner is willing to build trust with you again.
• Talk about Why - Both of you need to talk about why this happened. You will both have different ideas as to why the cheating occurred and yes, there will be some spinning on both parts as you try to find some middle ground. Set the ground rules before you talk. No yelling and no accusations… each of you should have a small branch or a feather in your hand and when the other person is getting off track or raising their voice, raise this object and the other person must stop talking. This may sound a tad silly at first, but it really works and helps keep your conversation under control.
• Don’t Involve the Family - It might sound great to go and cry on other supportive shoulders, but resist this temptation. Once this becomes public knowledge, it becomes harder for the two of you to begin working through reconciliation. The two of you are adults. What happened in private should now be kept private. Family support is great, but hey, both sides are going to be prejudiced. You don’t need two of your aunts verbally wondering aloud why you “are still with that dog”.
• Start spending time together - You can have a date night every week, or two or three, but real time spent together means sitting beside each other in the evening, talking about things other than work and problems. You should have a 30 minute uninterrupted time each day of together time. Even if you use it to exercise. As long as you are spending couple time, anything goes.
Hopefully these pointers provide you with some valuable insights that you can use as a start.
You can find an even more comprehensive article including a full 12 points, along with other equally informative articles at... http://www.RescueMyRelationship.net
